


Madhouse

by DiaryOfJane



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And a bit of humor, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Drug Use, Dysthymia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Miscarriage, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Past Suicide Attempt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma Recovery, more about comfort, not as depressing as it sounds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-09-18 15:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9390617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiaryOfJane/pseuds/DiaryOfJane
Summary: After they were all released from psychiatric hospital at the same time Theon, Robb and Jon move into a house together.Or, as Theon put it: We would make an excellent joke, suicidal, PTSD and OCD walk into a bar.





	1. Theon

Theon lay on the back lawn and looked at the sky. The grass was cool and damp and tickling his neck whenever he moved, a bird landed in the tree by the fence and fluffy white clouds drifted lazily across the sky.  
He had almost forgotten what it looked like.  
Approaching footsteps interrupted the peaceful quiet and he turned his head in the direction they were coming from to see Robb approaching him. He flopped down next to him and crossed his legs before asking "Why do you do this every day?"

Theon turned his face towards the sky again "Why do you open and close every drawer twice before taking something out?". He really didn't feel like talking right now. He had spent enough time in the psychiatric hospital talking about his past. Robb huffed and wound his arms around his knees, neither of them spoke and Robb didn't seem to plan on leaving soon but Theon didn't mind his presence. It were three weeks now since he had been released from the hospital and moved into the cosy house with Robb and Jon.  
They had all been at the same hospital, were around the same age and all without proper support so their psychiatrists had teamed up and convinced them to move in together after being released. So far so good. Although Theon admittedly hadn't been very fond of the idea of sharing a house with two complete strangers he could neither stand the thought of being on his own. Trusting them wasn't something that came naturally to him either, he had trusted Ramsay and look where it got him. 

"Is it because what happened to you?" Robb broke their silence. There was no invading curiosity in his soft voice, just genuine interest and he leaned his chin on his knees. 

Theon was hesitant with his answer but they were living together after all, he had seen this question coming. Especially after he had woken up most nights drenched in cold sweat and a strangled cry on his lips but then again, they were all messed up in a way. "Yeah." he turned his face towards Robb again and put his hands on his belly with the fingertips barely touching. The ones that still had tips, that was. "I was held captive by my ex-boyfriend for almost six months." It suprised him how easy the words slipped over his lips.

Robb blinked forcefully and knotted his hands together "Did he...?" the unfinished question hung between them and Theon licked his lips nervously. 

"Yeah. He liked hurting people." it was a vague answer but he felt no desire to go into detail how Ramsay had flayed him in his basement and forced himself onto him after just to Theon wail and cry out over and over again. Suddenly the mouldy smell of the damp walls was in his nose again, the darkness crept onto his mind and he fisted the grass beneath him and forced himself to look into the sun. The blinding light stung in his eyes and his nails dug into the solid earth beneath him, grounding and pulling him back from the edge. 

"I'm sorry." he heard Robb mumble and he blinked up at him to see worry written across his features "I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

Theon let our a short, humourless laugh. He had stayed himself, not turned into a trembling, crying mess curled into some corner and for the first time in quite a while he felt slightly proud of himself "I almost forgot what the sky looks like." he said and absently rubbed the stumps of his missing fingers.  
There was a silent comfort in the house which made Theon feel somewhat close to normal again, here he wasn't the alienated freak with the missing fingers and the white hair. Robb and Jon didn't treat him any different because of what had happened to him, they each had been through enough of their own and although they respected each others boundaries there was no awkward silence in the morning after he had screamed at night again. Overall, not too bad.

"Let's go inside, its getting cloudy."


	2. Robb

"What were you doing before?" Theon asked back in the house. 

Before. Before the meltdown. Before his family officially labeled him as a mental. "I," Robb furrowed his brow "I don't know." he answered finally and it was the truth.  
His father owned a rather big company and since his birth his fathers ind had been sent on Robb becoming his successor and thus he had been pressured to excellence but when the first signs of what would be later diagnosed as OCD began to show, the dream had been shattered. His father had moved on to grooming the next child and he had been left to do whatever he wanted, he had enough money for sure but 'You're not good enough' was stuck in his mind like a mantra.  
He would lie awake at night, not able to sleep and then get up and order his books until it felt right, until the obsession with his inadequacy had quietened down. He had to, and if it would take until sunrise, he was unable to do anything about it and it drove him crazy. Following the compulsions helped to block out the thoughts, the anxiety eating him up.  
It had climaxed in a terrible family dinner which he fled as soon as he could and there were so many wrong thoughts that had to tap thrice and pause, exactly for the right amount of time but his mother had messed it up by entering his room but the mistake had already been burned into his hand.  
Later, he woke up in a hospital room with restraints holding down his bandaged arms, he had scratched them so badly to get the mistake out that they had to sedate him.  
Although he didn't believe it back then, things got better. He learned how to live with it rather than trying to fight his obsessions by obliging the compulsions, it was okay to order things but not for hours on end, it was okay to follow rituals to ease his mind but keep them under control. 

"And what do you want to do now?" it was an innocent question but Robb cringed. 

"I don't know..." 

"Well, we're in no hurry, are we mate?" Theon shrugged and grinned lopsidedly before scuffling out of the kitchen and up the stairs. 

Robb remained in the kitchen and took a few calming breaths. Theon had meant no harm by asking about his future, he hadn't, he wasn't his father, this house was a safe space, there were no expectations he had to fullfill.  
His hand ran over the ripples on the side of the sink, twice back and forth and it were eight rippled, each time eight and it felt reassuring. It felt right. He put the dry plates from the dishrack into the cupboard and the cutlery as well, putting things in their places was always good, fixing things helped.

"Hey, alright?" 

Robb looked up from the shelf and towards the voice. It was Jon, standing in the doorway and looking as impassive as ever. When the three of them had first met one look had been enough for Robb to tell what Theon was trying to hide behind a healfheartedly smug facade but Jon had sat across from him with a stoic expression and the sleeves of his jumper pulled over his hands. Later, when he'd talked to his therapist about moving in with them she had asked wether he felt like he could handle living with a suicidal housemate and he had agreed promptly.  
The first few days they had basically all tried to figure out how to make this arrangement work, but Robb and Theon had began making conversation and socialising pretty quickly

Nowadays though it happened more often that they sat together in the living room, each minding their own business or watching films together but whenever they were together Robb snuck glances at Jon who spent most of his time with his nose buried in books. Robb couldn't help it, but he wondered. What had happened to Theon wasn't his fault and that Robbs brain had decided to differ from others wasn't his fault either. He didn't know what had lead Jon to try and take his own life, surely it wasn't his fault either but he had done the ultimate deed himself and this aspect didn't stop grinding on his mind.

During the first one and a half weeks Jon had seemed like a block of ice to him, he had no chance to get to know him, to find out and perhaps he was even able to do something about whatever went on inside him. Fixing things was good, talking to Theon was good because he had to learn to trust people again, it helped so it was good. Robb had a good feeling about this whole arrangement, living a basic day-to-day life made him feel useful, less isolated and it helped keeping him from thinking and angsting about his future too much. It was smooth sailing, at least until his mother decided to call one evening. Theon was out on the daily walk which his therapist made him go onto to re-accustom himself with being outside on his own when Robbs phone rang. Catelyn Stark had never been an particulary warm woman and her questions about his well-being were curt and rather insensitive but Robb was used to it and felt confident that it wouldn't throw him offf too badly. Things went well until she asked about his plans and when he didn't answer she only sighed loudly and uttered that she had seen this coming and hung up. The mean thing about his anxiety was that it always lurked in a corner of his mind like a tiger ready to jump on its prey, his mother had barely ended the call and his mind was already racing. Everything he had worked to overcome was suddenly filling his thughts again and he let his phone slide from his grip and had to hold onto the kitchen counter for support. The world was spinning and the harsh grip of panic closed around his throat, breathing seemed impossible and his heart beat heavily against his ribcage. Blurred by tears his vision slowly became occupied by dark shadows, knees buckling he slid down onto the floor. He knew this was not good, not in the slightest but the task of doing something about it seemed impossible when he was barely able to control his panicked breath. Robb blinked, clearing his vision for a heartbeat and he was able to make out a pair of brown eyes looking at him with concern. Jon sat across from him on the floor and what he had done Robb wasn't able to recall later but whatever it had been, it worked. Robb was exhausted, leaned his head against the wall behind him and Jon looked at him. In his gaze was no pity, no questionate rise of an eyebrow, just neutral calmness which reminded him of a still lake at dawn. He rose from the floor in silence and offered Robb his hand who accepted it gratefully. They went to the small living room together where Robb covered himself with a fluffy blanket and Jon pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and smiled at him for the first time since they had moved in together before turning his attention to his book. 


	3. Jon

"Okay so, when I was walking home I saw one of our neighbours, you know the one with the kid, and when she recognised me she went to the other side of the street." Theon announced upon entering the living room and threw his jacket over the back of the couch.

"Yeah, well apparently they told our neighbours that we were moving in." Robb explained and sat up, the blanket falling down his waist.

"What do you mean, they told the neighbours?" Theon asked and drew his brow together in disbelief. 

"I don't know, perhaps they thought people should know." he returned with a shrug.

"Lock your daughters away, the ments are coming." Jon said dryly which made Robb chuckle.

"I'm sure that's exactly what happened." he added ironically and Theon grinned lopsidedly before saying "Especially the one two door down."

"What?" Jon closed his book and raised an eyebrow at Theon.

"Oh come one, the one with the Dalmatian? I saw the look she gave you the other day." Theon winked ironically "You should so do her."

"No." Jon answered without leaving room for arguments but Theon wasn't put off that easily. Robb watched the scenery and found it rather comical, even more so upon seeing Jons face after Theons next question. 

"Why not? You gay?"

"No?"

"Shame. Still, nothing interesting ever happens here, you have the chance to change it."

"No." 

"Is that the only you're going to say?

"Fuck off."  

There was nothing harsh or dramatic in the way Jon put down the book and headed towards the stairs but Robb didn't fail to notice how the mood in the room had changed from light to rather tense within a few seconds. Theon had pushed a little too far and they both knew it, now he sat on the sofa looking like a schoolboy who doesn't know how to admit a mistake and Robb really wasn't the type of person to be patronizing. Both of them were unsure what to do, the air of tension in the room made Robb feel the urge to follow Jon and make sure everything was alright but at the same time he wondered if he should rather leave it. Him and Jon had been civil towards each other but the latter had most of the time preferred to be left alone. He knew that Theon had only been jocking but that he was also a bit awkward when it came to showing affection. Robb pushed the blanket aside, gave Theon a meaningful look and headed up the stairs. His knuckles lingered mid-air for a second before he knocked on the door, then slowly pushed it open after hearing the muffled 'enter' from the other side. 

"Theon didn't mean it." Robb began without much introduction, figuring that Jon preferred directness.

"Didn't think he was." came the prompt answer and stil, there were no obvious signs but Robb could feel that something was off. He stayed where he was for another moment but then took another step into the room and closed the door behind him which caused Jon to look at him with a slightly drawn brow "What, do you want to do the whole 'opening up' thing?" 

Robb was aware of the sarcasm in the statement and chose to ignore it "Why not? I had a meltdown at a family dinner and now they conside me a nuisance. Now you."

It was obvious that Jon hadn't seen that coming and he shifted, contemplating his answer because Robb didn't seem to be leaving without it. Being able to hide it had been a childish thought, tehy lived together for Christ's sake, sooner or later either Theon or Robb had to ask. Still, saying it out loud hadn't become easier.

"My wife lost our unborn child and died from blood loss." his voice was void of emotion, as was his whole being since Ygrittes death "And I just wanted it to end." 

The scar on his left wrist was a thick, straight white line separating what had been from what was about to come. The life he had shared with Ygritte wad behind him, a life of love and safety which had been replaced by an existence which seemed pointless, drifting in directions without a course. Pushed from side to side by questions unsanswered. What if things had been different, what if Sam hadn't found him before it was too late? It was an irational question but still, it was there, day and night. Always. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say, I love Robb :D  
> Leave a comment if you like :)


	4. Theon & Jon

"I like putting things into order."

The rain was pouring down outside, the surface of the puddle outside the glass door leading to the small porch was a chaotic, splashing mess that never stopped. It was the most beautiful form of destruction, the perfectly still surface of the puddle had been replaced by an ocean of violence, a force of nature in the smallest of things.

"You can't put everything into order mate." Theon sat next to Robb on the wooden floor of the living room, their breaths fogging on the glass while the drummin of the rain against the windows filled the quiet. Theons gaze seemed far away, the drizzling and dripping sounds scratched memories of wet walls and water dripping from pitch black ceilings "Some things just can't be."

"I wish I could."

Theon took a long breath and moved underneath the thick blanket he had put around his shoulders and over his lap "I feel like a fucking mess." Robb didn't say anything and they spent the time in contempative silence until Theon spoke again "It's like he's still in control of me."

He needn't say who 'he' was for Robb to know "But he isn't."

"Whatever." he let his tongue glide over his broken tooth and suddenly Robb felt shut out, like an invisible wall had gone up between him and Theon.

The dim grey light bathed the house in shades of grey and blue and dulled the sharp edges. It dulled everything. At some point Robb moved from his spot by the door but Theon stayed, continued to simply watch nature unfolding outside in all its beauty and unpredictability. Sometimes he felt overwhelmed by all the things that were back in his control, in a cruel way he had started to get used to being locked away, like a doll in a drawer waiting for someone to come and pay attention to it. He watched Robb stumble through the house, always seemin like he was trying to figure out what to with himself and he felt the feeling creeping upon himself as well. He had a job, before, but ever since comin to the house he was like in a halo, the world seemed to turn without him and he desperately tried to catch up.

The house was like a microcosm, like a parallel universe to the real world existing outside their door. Theon had just started musing about this thought when suddenly the front door opened and the world was there, he culd hear the sound of the rain not longer muted by the wind and feel a cool rush of air on his cheeks. He turned and looked towards the door to see Jon standing by the coatrack, dripping wet from the rain.

Theon had noticed his habit of just disappearing for a couple of hours now and then just to came back and disappear up the stairs again.

"Hey."

The sudden voice seemed to startle Jon and their eyes were locked suddenly, thick drops of water fell from the tips of his hair and onto the floor and Theon couldn't help but notice the haunted look, a look he was more than familiar with. He avoided mirrors since. "Been up to anything?" Theon felt sudden compassion well up inside him and he decided that he wouldn't let Jon disappear in silence again. Theon could see his hesitation as well as agitation and once again he thought that Jon was like an attempt to catch smoke.

Eventually though the latter put his coat on a hanger and padded across the living room towards Theon whose gaze followed him until he had lowered himself onto the floor next to himself.

"Robb is going to kill you for dripping all over the living room, you know that."

"Robb is such a housewife." Jon answered with ironic grin and Theon nodded with a chuckle.

After a beat of silence Theon spoke again "Sorry about the other day."

"Don't fucking start man, it's alright." Jon didn't take his eyes off the window but Theon sensed the honesty in the statement and felt a small relief.

"Sometimes it's just..." he trailed off.

"I know."

Jon shifted suddenly and Theon cast a glance to the side to see him put his right arm protevtively over his left before pulling his legs towards his chest.

"Alright?"

Jon kept himself from scolding and instead briefly raised his brow, lines of bitterness etching into his features. He had seen this coming, had tried to fool himself into being able to hide forever but deep inside he had known that it wouldn't work and there you go, it didn't. The only thing which made this whole thing at least a little easier was that it was Theon, Theon who was quiet and less pushy than Robb with his endless stream of words. Theon, who now looked at him with obvious concern in his eyes.

"Whatever." Jon muttered and and moved so he sat with his legs crossed again and Theons gaze instantly fell on his left arm, bent at an awkward angle with the hand curled inwards, rigid and taut like a bowstring.

"Didn't plan on mentioning that, did you?"

"Would you?" he answered with a question and Theon looked back out of the window.

"What happened?"

"Doctor said something about not enough Oxygen reached my brain after," he cleared his throat and dug his free thumb into his spasming palm "you know. Left side 's a bit screwed since." Of course he knew better than this vague explanation but he didn't want to go into detail. Perhaps he didn't want Theon making conclusions, perhaps he didn't want the other man to think. It was shame that kept him from telling the whole truth, shame about the fact that it was entirely his own fault. Until this realisation had come a lot of time had passed, it had been just so much easier to blame the people around him, the ones that had actively saved his life. Denial had been easiest and the people he loved had suffered for that. He had cut his wrist with the intention of ending his life, not waking up again and having to deal with the aftermath. Selfish, thats what it had been, a selfish action in an attempt of fleeing a reality he refused to live in. Without a second thought he had acted, on impulse out of grief stricken madness but fate had decided to turn against him in favour of a second chance.

"To be honest I was wondering why you're always up there." Theon said and jerked his head towards the stairs.

"It can get quite nasty sometimes." Truth was, Jon didn't want them to know let alone see what it was like, they had their own problems to deal with and he had his. Dropping things because his hand went numb can be chalked up to clumsiness and there was no need to leave his room when his entire leg decided to start tingling and twitching. He wasn't clumsy, never had been, but they didn't know. They didn't know him. "Comes on out of the blue whenever it wants."

Theon nodded quietly and after a couple of quiet moments Jon spoke again "Don't tell Robb."

"Don't hide it."

 Somehow Theon felt a little less like a mess.

 


End file.
